An Unnecessarily Niche Crossword That's Definitely Way Too Hard for a Satire Magazine

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Across
  1. 1. It's not a dog
  2. 4. Lord Lieutenant of Essex from 2002-2017
  3. 5. Yellow flower named after long-dead Greek prettyboy
  4. 7. Point during a rocket ascent at which the vehicle is under maximum aerodynamic stress
  5. 8. The worst play I’ve ever read, not the original though
Down
  1. 2. The last king of Númenor in the world of The Lord of the Rings
  2. 3. Who was voted most popular the Muppet in a 1959 survey?
  3. 6. 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110101 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 00101000