Bad Feelings

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Across
  1. 3. p. 6-7, [331] “To my misfortune God has given me in you an unproductive life, though I know well how to conceal it. I am a joyless man. For only rarely during the day does this suffering leave me. But when it does forsake me—which, alas, seldom happens—and I give myself over to happy pursuits for other people’s sake, my good humor lacks any real sincerity because it does not proceed from the heart. My disposition is such when I am so listless that all those who knew me previously are starting to say that I have lost my good sense and have become silly.”
  2. 5. p. 5, [216] “Now it is, alas, a blow that a woman cannot know who sincerely loves her. Frequently, too, they are exposed at the hands of men to such trickery that quite rightly does us harm: men’s solemnly swearing a promise that they have no intention of fulfilling. And so a woman is hesitant to risk committing her honor totally in the face of such uncertainty. Such misgivings do men harm because the woman fears that she will experience what befell many a woman before her who also, in the hope of a constant love, yet with much trepidation, gave in to the desires of a lover who considered himself worthy of such a reward. But then, when his wishes had been fulfilled, her reward from him was rude hostility. Then she thought it would have been better left undone.”
  3. 6. p. 6, [290] “My own care increases because of it, for I fear that she will treat me the same way. Come, Death, it is not too early. For, when I ponder the joys I have ever attained, they are completely extinguished and I lose all color; and as sudden as a thunderclap a mood grabs hold of me that is very hard on me. I don’t rightly know what has happened to me or how, or what I should say to the person next to me when he asks what is wrong with me. I tell him simply this: ‘Friend, I am sick at heart.’ I do so with this in mind: that no one find out what is the matter with me. I don’t dare tell anyone. My heart has commanded me to endure it alone. This is the most telling point. I don’t know what I am supposed to thank you for.
  4. 7. p. 3, [90] “For so many a day I have heard so much of her goodness. Now I have come to a full understanding of things. Ever since she has rightly known that all my joy rests on receiving her favor, she doesn’t care one bit how I feel. That is the attitude of a forceful woman. I don’t know why I displease her.”
Down
  1. 1. p. 7 [427], “But as things stand, I am sorely wounded. My well-being has declined in incredible ways. And so cares must of necessity oppress me.”
  2. 2. p. 3, “Alas, thinking heart, if you were at all something separate from me, you would have well deserved from me that I complain about you to all whom I trust to feel sorrow at my misfortune, so that they might take revenge on you for me. And if I had the opportunity, I would indeed kill you and pay you back with such afflictions as you often bring to me; alas, with your great strength you force me to do whatever you want. The power you have been given over me is so great that no man’s ingenuity can gain peace for me in the face of it. I am forced to live in your power. That I cannot escape it causes me many an unhappy day. For it’s not enough for you to inflict piercing sorrow on me. Since you have taken up dwelling within me and are carrying on your affairs in me, this is an act of disloyalty that has no place among friends, for it robs me of joy utterly.”
  3. 4. p. 7, [350] “But they do not understand what is going on inside me and that my moods change just like the tides of the sea. When the steady wind stops and a calm prevails, it is good to be on the water. It can also easily happen suddenly—as all well know who have been in that situation—that the bottom of the sea moves and a wind rises up from the depths. They call this a tidal swell, and it causes huge crashing waves that have sent many to their death—a poor exchange for their life—and sunk many a sturdy ship into the maw of the sea. This is exactly how my life is. Whenever I think I’m in the midst of joy, the cares which I bear secretly move me and I heave a sigh from the depths with my mouth smiling, but my eyes grow dull. The facts cannot be denied: I could not keep from weeping except that it is not proper for a man.”