Celebrities

3. Williams, Matt Damon goes out to dinner in Boston with Will I Am and orders broccoli rob.
5. Diesel, My vehicle identification number made me put the wrong fucking gas in my car.
6. Dillon, Backup Quarterback, Saracen, reminds his dementia riddled grandmother what his name is and where he goes to high school.
8. Joe Armstrong, World famous musician turning 52. The piano man wins seven Tour de France titles, but instead of being stripped of one of his testicles or one of his Ws due to PED use, he loses one of his Ls, ironically.
10. Berry, A hail storm suddenly reigns over Queens Boulevard’s pizza boy only for him to realize it is actually just round juicy fruits hailing down on him.
12. Allen White, Linsanity, Iverson, and at least half of Blake Griffin.
13. Applegate, Love is Blind’s Johnny, takes her boyfriend to see a Sarah Paylin impersonator comedy show, but as they were leaving Johnny spilled her seeds at the gate.
14. Bullock, Ms. Cheeks is no match for Reggie in the paint or under the sea.

1. Stone, Tony Hawk hops over mount Vernan and lands on Olive Penderghast, thankfully her 2nd half was cushioned by pebbles.
2. Jordan, A Middle Eastern classic pop tribute band consists of Jackie Lebanon, Jermaine Syria, Tito Yemen, Marlon Kuwait, and this beloved fifth member who is the youngest of the bunch.
4. Washington, An intervention took place in this family’s main room to get George to use a different payment app than Venmo. They agreed he would just use $1 bills instead.
7. Weeknd, Vince, Turtle, and Drama leave behind one of their friends to spend Saturday and Sunday together.
8. Affleck, The lead role in Night at the Museum gets attacked by a flying creature with webbed feet, which causes him to take out a life insurance policy.
9. the Cable Guy, Bob the tomatoes biblical singing partner rebrands as a spectrum salesman.
11. Spears, The British soldier torn his ACL after the enemy attacked him with javelins.