Across
- 3. Anyone born before 1990
- 5. Titular question raised by 4 Non-Blondes
- 7. Average number of plates Simon fills up per meal
- 10. Something you don't want to drive into a DNF bin
- 11. One of eleven (so far) for Taylor Swift
- 14. Fencing sword that is apparently in a lot of crosswords, including this one
- 15. The trick to this game is to "use the fucking dice roller"
- 17. Does pineapple belong on pizza?
- 19. Movie Suzi can no longer watch due to her Pavlovian response
- 22. Better at crosswords, cribbage, and pool than Chris
- 23. A last name, or a false indicator of virginity
- 24. No soap, _____
Down
- 1. The worst board game of all time
- 2. Simon hustled us at this game
- 4. The very best dog
- 6. Quilting is ___
- 7. What that goddamn Loch Ness Monster wants, approx.
- 8. An important pelvic floor exercise
- 9. Fun place to hang out on days off and bother Suzi
- 12. Slowest vehicle on the continent
- 13. A place that's hot, sweaty, and kind of gross (but also nice)
- 16. Event that Suzi regularly attends to show off her talents
- 18. The yolks on a properly-made over-medium egg
- 20. Business goose
- 21. The worst middle name a man can have