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Across
  1. 2. Small bird, big dgaf vibes
  2. 3. Cookie Dream Babo, initially
  3. 8. Stupid American take on 15-Across
  4. 9. Spinning ride where Jack felt in control
  5. 13. A ghostly monarch
  6. 14. Where Diana Taurasi started her journey to being the 34-Across (abr.)
  7. 15. Beer style created during Her Majesty's Empire (abr.)
  8. 18. Obscure 90's band; also storage for 23-Down in my house
  9. 22. Height-boosting tool absent from my house
  10. 24. Overnight person with whom "I'm too short" became a refrain
  11. 26. State where one might attend Spoleto (abr.)
  12. 27. Where we might stay in ME
  13. 29. The third letter in 34-Across stands for this
  14. 30. Rum, g. beer, lime
  15. 31. I'll take their seaweed scent any time (abr.)
  16. 32. Brady's old team, abbreviated
  17. 34. More important than Tom Brady: with "the," this is what Diana Taurasi is known as
Down
  1. 1. Graveyard kind of gold?
  2. 4. (Artificially) tiny tree
  3. 5. _____ Zone, RIP
  4. 6. Casey's business venture
  5. 7. The Retail Store That Shall Not Be Named (but will be abbreviated)
  6. 9. Gemini/Cancer, or Cancer/Leo, for example
  7. 10. You look for the lowest to drink (abr.)
  8. 11. The most English-speaking of the overnight guys at the Retail Store That Shall Not Be Named
  9. 12. The least tall Golden Girl
  10. 16. Plant that has no roots or flowers and stays low to where it grows
  11. 17. Where Diana Taurasi played in the off-season, because it is a long road to $ parity in sports
  12. 19. Cahzay's cat, or a necessity for onigiri
  13. 20. Also known as a bubble
  14. 21. The shortest Super Mario hero
  15. 23. The shortest kind of candle
  16. 25. Peasant food that abbreviates to the same as a musical style
  17. 28. Where Diana Taurasi earned 34-Across status (abr.)
  18. 31. Brady's new team, abbreviated
  19. 33. 14-Across's first breakout star in the 90's