Across
- 2. Place where you pay $12 for a beer that tastes like it was filtered through a gym sock.
- 3. Musical wizard who can make terrible singers sound good and good singers sound like they're from another planet.
- 4. Four lads from Liverpool who made teenage girls scream so loud that seismologists thought there were earthquakes at their concerts.
- 6. Ritual where musicians spend three hours making sure everything sounds perfect, then change it completely during the show.
- 8. When musicians pretend they're done but everyone knows they're hiding behind the curtain like musical peek-a-boo.
- 13. Secret scroll that determines whether fans go home happy or start angry petition drives on social media.
- 14. Magical stick that makes shower singers believe they're ready for Madison Square Garden.
- 16. Dance move that looks like someone's having an argument with their own neck.
- 18. Electronic device that transforms quiet noodling into neighborhood-evacuating sonic warfare.
- 19. Six-stringed wooden weapon of mass seduction that turns ordinary humans into leather-pant-wearing demigods.
- 20. Plural form of devoted fans who treat concert schedules like migration patterns.
- 22. When your equipment decides to have its own temper tantrum and sounds like a banshee stubbing its toe.
- 23. Giant flashlight that makes performers feel like they're being interrogated by aliens who really dig their music.
- 24. Moment when one band member shows off while the others stand around looking supportive but secretly counting money.
- 25. Someone whose romantic strategy involves following tour buses like a musical stalker with backstage passes.
Down
- 1. Person sitting behind a fortress of circular targets, hitting them with sticks like the world's most musical whack-a-mole game.
- 3. Shiny participation trophy that costs more than most people's houses and makes musicians feel like they've conquered the world.
- 4. Magical realm where normal rules don't apply and Where's Waldo could hide indefinitely among the tie-dye shirts.
- 5. Organized chaos where strangers express their love of music by accidentally elbowing each other in the ribs.
- 7. This guy made hip gyrations so scandalous that TV cameras only showed him from the waist up, like some kind of musical centaur.
- 9. Elevated platform where normal people transform into gods and promptly forget the lyrics to their own songs.
- 10. Soundproof bunker where musicians go to argue about whether that cymbal crash happened on the right beat.
- 11. The only acceptable way to hit things repeatedly while people cheer you on instead of calling the police.
- 12. Human karaoke machine with the lung capacity of a whale and the ego to match.
- 14. Person who turns creative chaos into profitable chaos while taking a percentage of everyone's dreams.
- 15. Musician who provides the heartbeat of the band but gets about as much attention as furniture.
- 17. Musical phrase so catchy it gets stuck in your head like auditory superglue for the next three weeks.
- 21. Unsung hero who can lift amplifiers heavier than small cars but somehow can't figure out how to untangle microphone cables.